July 20, 2020

“How to overcome being an alpha-type and stop pushing men away?”

by Janet Tingwald in Ask Janet, Feminine Energy

I was recently asked this question and I thought I would also answer it here as I feel many women may have this question.  

I am newly divorced after 24 years… I am and have always been the alpha type, which I feel puts me at a disadvantage. Men seem to find it intimidating. How do you feel you overcame this?

This is such a great question. 

For most of my life I worked in sales and was paid solely by commission. Basically, it was eat what you kill. Well, I tended to live my life that way and dated that way. If you see something you want, go get it!  After breaking up with a guy after another failed 2 year relationship, I decided to try something different. I decided to let him pursue me. I certainly didn’t do it perfectly, I had to work at it! But it was so much easier. I was so much more relaxed and unattached to the outcome. It felt sooo good.  

Before I met Bruce,  I was the one to set up dates, plan where we were going or what we were doing. I would cook for him and buy him things, massage his back… (Wouldn’t you like to date me?) I basically taught him he didn’t have to put out much effort to please me. Of course after awhile, I’d get tired of doing all the work and start to get mad. Now I see 3 ways how I set myself up for disappointment. 

1. I was being the MAN.

2. I also had a problem receiving what he did offer. I believed I had to do all of the giving so he’d like me.

3. I lacked information and role models. I really didn’t know better.

I now have a better understanding of what was going on and how to change it. It’s what I teach my clients–how to be in charge of you and come from a powerful, feminine place. It’s the juicy place where we get to sit back and get sweet attention from our man. It’s energetically calling forth the healthy masculine in a man. And, ladies, that is yummy!!!! 

I worked on myself and my worth and the ability to receive. I also learned a LOT! I hired a coach and I got mentors. I now understand what it means to be powerful and feminine. I look forward to the day that enough people understand this way of being in relationships that it’s the norm.

Oh BTW, men aren’t intimidated, they just don’t see any place for them to provide anything in your life.  If they can’t provide, they don’t have purpose.  If they don’t have purpose they fear they won’t be loved.


I’d like to start offering this opportunity to you. Send me a question and I will answer it here twice a month. And not to worry, I won’t use your name and will keep it anonymous.

Just email your questions–any questions–to me at: janet@RealityBasedRomance.com and watch for your answers the following week.

From my heart to yours!

One Comment

  1. Melissia Johnson
    July 22, 2020 at 3:19 pm

    This is so me, I had to be the “man” in my marriage, as my now ex-husband wouldn’t step up so I did, I didn’t wait on him hand and foot at the beginning but as the years went by he did less and less and I did more and more and after many many years the resentment set in. Now I am trying to figure out how to be feminine again, get my feminine energy back.

  2. Janet Tingwald
    July 22, 2020 at 4:46 pm


    Thanks for the comment! I get how easily our energy can just slip away. I’d like to invite you to join my private Facebook group; https://www.facebook.com/groups/relatedatemate/. I’m actually doing a Facebook Live training on feminine energy Thursday at 12:00 pm CDT. If you can’t make that time you can listen to it later and leave questions on the comments.

    Blessings to you,

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