I remember going on dates when I was single and thinking, “I hope he likes me.” Because if he likes me I’ll get a second or even a third date and maybe it will turn into something more….
From talking to many women every week, I know I’m not alone in thinking this. We as women want to be liked! Society tells us from the time we’re little girls how important it is to be nice.
The problem is, when a man thinks you’re nice he’s probably going to like you, but being nice just means that someone sees you as a nice person. It’s desire that makes you magnetic, exciting, unpredictable and attractive.
Being liked won’t necessarily get you another date, but being desired probably will.
Do you know what men really want in a woman? Boundaries!
Yes, it’s true. That quality, healthy-masculine male that we all want, is attracted to you by boundaries. Why? Because it shows self-confidence. It shows that you won’t be pushed around and you know how to prioritize your own needs, and will let him know what they are.
(Contrary to popular opinion, good men want strong women that they don’t have to rescue to take care of all of the time.) Actually men are attracted to women who show that they have a deep sense of self-respect. I think of it as being able to choose your well-being over his just for the sake of getting along or being in a relationship.
The result of this is a better-behaved man and he sees you as a woman to value. We do teach people how to treat us.
This is also a natural filter to weed out the narcissistic, abusive type of guys. Because, if a guy fails to respect these boundaries, the self-respecting woman doesn’t stick around.
Woman that value themselves are always willing to walk away from situations where they feel unsafe and undervalued.
Let’s turn the tables. Years ago I dated a really nice guy…really nice. He did pretty much whatever I said, avoided conflict, would not stand up to his children, and didn’t assert his interests. In time I not only lost respect for him, but I noticed that I was starting to be mean to him and lost my attraction to him. I ended it quickly.
When you start going along with everything just to make him happy, or never speaking up for yourself, it drains you of that attractive energy that made him attractive to you in the first place. Being agreeable does not equal attractiveness.
I’m not suggesting you become a bitch, diva or self-centered, I’m talking about healthy boundaries. In all relationships you still need to respect three important parts of your lives.
- Your time
- Your emotions
- Your needs
If you find that a guy doesn’t respond respectfully or is insensitive or ignores your boundaries then it’s time to speak up or move on.
Remember…choosing your well-being and respect for yourself is far more important than any need to be in a relationship.
The most irresistible women have no hesitations communicating their needs. They’re not worried about driving the wrong guys away because they know the right one will respect her boundaries. This doesn’t mean playing it super-serious all the time. It just means standing up for your own needs, and not settling for a situation with a man who falls short of your criteria, be it for commitment, affection, physical attraction, or kindness and generosity.
This quote really hit home in a powerful way when I read it:
“If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.”
For a man, nothing is sexier than being on a date and realizing he’s with a woman who values herself by showing self-respect and confidence. Men want a woman with expectations, which they then desperately want to meet.
Bottom line: If it’s a choice between being respected or being nice to the point of being a people-pleaser, choose being respected. It’s much more attractive.