June 24, 2020

Receive and Reinforce

by Janet Tingwald in Dating, Relationship

Receive and Reinforce–this is the 5th tip and the last in the series: 5 Ways to Bring out the Best in a Man.

In the previous tips I’ve talked about how it is in men’s nature to want to protect and provide for the people that are important in their lives. In order for this to work, we need to be able to receive what they offer. Think about this: nothing can be given if it is not first received.

Ladies, on a scale of 1-10, how would you say you are at receiving in general? 

Most women I work with tell me they are terrible at it. If you’re wondering if that’s true for you, try asking yourself a few questions: 

  1. A friend gives you a compliment on your outfit; how do you respond?  Do you simply say “Thank you”? Do you dismiss it all together? Or, say thank you but then downplay it by saying it’s old or you got it on sale?

  2. Your friend gives you a gift for helping her with a project. How do you react? Do you simply say “thanks”? Or, do you go on about how they didn’t need to do that?
  3. A man offers to help you with something that is easy for you to do. How do you react?  Do you say, “Thank you, that would be nice.”? Or, do you say, “No, I’m fine, I’ve got it.”

How you reacted to the above questions tells you something about how much you are able to receive from others.  Many women I know struggle with this concept because they are more practiced at giving and taking care of others than they are at receiving. This continual giving actually drains us. Women are designed to receive.  

Let me explain.

A concept that many women are not aware of is the difference between masculine and feminine energies. Now this topic alone is big and I can’t explain all of it in this email, so for now, I’m just going to hit the main points. Stay with me….

At our core, we all have a predominant energy that is either masculine or feminine. Generally, women have feminine core energy and men have masculine core energy. (This is largely determined by the amount of the hormones testosterone or estrogen.)  This energy plays a major role in our lives and our relationships.

Masculine energy is all about action, giving, decision-making, and problem solving. Masculine energy is action and assertiveness.

Feminine energy is more about being, feeling, receiving, vulnerability, and openness. Feminine energy is more about being in the moment instead of doing.

While men and women need to be able to utilize both energies in their day-to-day life, romantic relationships need the polarity of masculine and feminine energy for there to be sparks of attraction. The mistake many women unknowingly make is showing up operating from their masculine energy (not your fault, and I’ll explain that more starting next week) instead of in a receiving [receptive] mode of feminine energy. If you can’t receive, he can’t provide. If he can’t provide (it doesn’t have to be money), he’s not needed. Men do not stay in relationships where they are not needed.

I also hear from women that men are intimidated by smart, successful women…. That’s not true either. It’s more about whether a man can see a place for himself in a woman’s life. Many women tell me men will say to them, “You don’t need me.” And they often hear that as a good thing instead of understanding that what he is saying is he doesn’t see a way to contribute to your life.  

If you don’t create space for him to provide something for you, a man will move on to where he’s needed and appreciated. If a woman is not receptive, the relationship cannot develop into a mutual giving and receiving.  Unfortunately, because of the way society currently operates, many of us have to work at learning to be receptive. 

This is a simple story, but it will illustrate my point. I’m a pretty independent woman and there’s not much I can’t do for myself. One Sunday, Bruce offered to carry the laundry basket to the laundry room for me. My first reaction internally was “Why?  I don’t need you to do that.” When I said, “No, I’ve got it,” he let out a BIG sigh and said “FINE!”  

Well, I was smart enough to know that wasn’t good. 

I quickly shifted gears and said, “Ya know, if you’d like to carry down the laundry that would be great.” Then something magical happened that I hadn’t noticed before. I noticed how it made him feel to ‘provide’ something for me that was helpful. He was happy and kind of all puffed up.  

Now I know this may sound silly to you, but it made him feel good, and that made me feel good. This goes back to the whole reason to bring out the best in your man. If he feels good about himself and the relationship, and he has a way to protect and provide for you, you get more of him. It’s a win-win. But it won’t happen if you can’t graciously receive his ‘gift.’ 

Which brings us to reinforce.

Again, what you water grows. I know this shows up in every tip, but there’s a reason. I can’t stress this enough. Thank him. Let him know you appreciate his efforts. What I have experienced in genuinely receiving the intention of his action is a desire to reciprocate his gift. If you can tell him what the impact was for you from what he provided, even better.

I know that for some of you this information about masculine and feminine is new, or you don’t feel like you fully understand it. I invite you to watch for my posts in the next few weeks as I’ll dive in and explain how these energies work and what polarity means to you.