June 5, 2020

Show Him He’s Needed

by Janet Tingwald in Dating, Relationship

Showing a man he’s needed is how you bring out the best in him. 

A man wants to feel like a man. And he feels like a man when he’s needed and desired by a special someone, you. It’s in his evolutionary genes; he loves the role of being a protector. And he feels good about himself when he sees himself as the provider of your happiness and security. 

One of the biggest misconceptions I see out there is women thinking that asking for help from a man makes them ‘needy.’ You’ve heard me talk about this before in other posts.  I can’t say it enough: Every man wants to date a woman who’s in control of her life, and no man likes a woman who’s too clingy or needy all the time. But sometimes, your independent streak could make your man feel undesired.

It’s not hard to make a man feel needed and wanted. Because women mostly assume men think and feel like we do, we miss what it really is that makes them feel good. In other words, what makes you feel needed isn’t going to be what works for him.  Almost always, it’s the little things that have the biggest impact.

As I said, a guy needs to feel needed in a relationship.

When he feels like he’s needed it gives him purpose, he feels good about himself and the relationship.

He assumes he plays an important part in your life, and that makes him try harder to be nicer because he believes his behavior towards you has an impact on your life.

Here are 5 ways to show him he’s needed:

1. Let him know you respect him.

This is HUGE to your guy. Your respect and what you think of him plays a big part in how he feels about himself. If you think he’s worthless, or not capable of doing something, it’ll hit him harder than his biggest critics.  If you can’t respect him, he’s not your guy.

2. Appreciate him, or What you water, grows. 

Appreciate the little things he does, even if he doesn’t expect acknowledgment for it. If he fills a glass of water for you, or does your laundry, don’t just take it for granted even if it’s a regular chore. Thank him for it. You’ll notice him smiling to himself.  My man has a little chuckle that comes out when I express my appreciation.

3. Ask him for help. 

Allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of him. As strong and capable as you are, let your guard down in front of him and let him see your vulnerable and soft side. Talk to him about things that trouble you and make him realize just how much you need his support too.  When my father passed away in January, Bruce was there.  I loved knowing that I was safe and loved, wrapped up in his big arms.  And, read #2 again.

4. Ask him for advice. 

If you want to make your guy feel needed and wanted, just ask him for advice. It’s as simple as that! Asking him for advice shows your man that you respect him and value him enough to do something based on his judgment and opinion. And he can’t get a bigger boost than that. He’ll swell up with happiness, and he’ll feel really good about himself within minutes!

5. Don’t reject his efforts.

This one breaks my heart. Trust me, I get that sometimes this one is haaard.  Do not reject his effort to make you happy. If he sneaks up on you from behind to hug you, or if he messes the kitchen up just a little while preparing breakfast for you, don’t criticize him for that. Men play for points.  And, failing is how men experience shame.  He’ll feel stupid for trying to do something nice for you, and he’ll resent you for it.  Here again, if you don’t like what he’s offering, move on.

Ladies, here’s something that may be hard to hear. This isn’t all about you.  This is also about how your man feels. A question that struck me a few years ago is Why would I ever want this amazing, generous, loving man to feel bad?  If you haven’t already noticed it, watch for the way couples that you’re around treat each other. Watch what a man will attempt to do and how often he gets shut down. You’re right, sometimes what they do seems so wrong or even stupid to us, and I encourage you to look for their heart in their actions.