online dating

Tag: online dating

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How to Tell if a Man is Emotionally Attracted to You

Is he emotionally attracted to you? Or is he in it just for the sex?
Here’s how to tell.

I was working with a client this week and she’s at the point where she’s done the inner work and is ready to get out there and date. A question she brought to our session was, “It seems like there are so many men out there that are just interested in sex, how do I know if he’s interested in me or just wants sex?”

I frequently hear this question from women. It’s a great question because it shows me they’re taking responsibility for their experience in dating. So, I thought about it and I came up with four ways a man shows you that he wants more than sex and is emotionally interested in you.

1. He’s interested in your feelings and well-being.

He checks in with you. He asks how your day was and follows up if he knows your upset. He shows interest, care and concern for you and your life.

2.  He shares the highs and lows of his life with you.

He will talk about his fears and insecurities that he’s feeling. This isn’t about your relationship it’s about his work, or children…other areas of his life. It shows that he feels safe enough with you to open up and be vulnerable. It’s also not about vomiting everything that’s wrong on you either.

3.  He shares his doubts and concerns about your relationship with you.

He may even voice boundaries. If he only has an end game of sex in mind, he won’t bother. An emotionally mature person will bring up things as they come up so there is an opportunity to work through them.

4.  He will move the relationship forward in the direction that is important to you.

Also understand that they do this when it’s a similar direction they want in their life. For example, if it’s important to you to be married, not just co-habitate, he will move it in the direction of marriage if that is something he wants in his life as well. What’s important to you will be important to him.

There are more other things to look for as well, but these are four easy behaviors to watch for from him. These are things that men will do when they are emotionally attracted to you, not just physically.

Remember, men are always revealing themselves to us. Learn what to look for and believe them for a less stressful happier dating experience.

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How to Raise Your Value in a Man’s Eyes (What Men Really Want!)

I remember going on dates when I was single and thinking, “I hope he likes me.”  Because if he likes me I’ll get a second or even a third date and maybe it will turn into something more….

From talking to many women every week, I know I’m not alone in thinking this. We as women want to be liked! Society tells us from the time we’re little girls how important it is to be nice. 

The problem is, when a man thinks you’re nice he’s probably going to like you, but being nice just means that someone sees you as a nice person. It’s desire that makes you magnetic, exciting, unpredictable and attractive. 

Being liked won’t necessarily get you another date, but being desired probably will.  

Do you know what men really want in a woman? Boundaries!

Yes, it’s true. That quality, healthy-masculine male that we all want, is attracted to you by boundaries. Why? Because it shows self-confidence. It shows that you won’t be pushed around and you know how to prioritize your own needs, and will let him know what they are.

(Contrary to popular opinion, good men want strong women that they don’t have to rescue to take care of all of the time.) Actually men are attracted to women who show that they have a deep sense of self-respect. I think of it as being able to choose your well-being over his just for the sake of getting along or being in a relationship.

The result of this is a better-behaved man and he sees you as a woman to value. We do teach people how to treat us.  

This is also a natural filter to weed out the narcissistic, abusive type of guys. Because, if a guy fails to respect these boundaries, the self-respecting woman doesn’t stick around.

Woman that value themselves are always willing to walk away from situations where they feel unsafe and undervalued.

Let’s turn the tables. Years ago I dated a really nice guy…really nice.  He did pretty much whatever I said, avoided conflict, would not stand up to his children, and didn’t assert his interests. In time I not only lost respect for him, but I noticed that I was starting to be mean to him and lost my attraction to him. I ended it quickly. 

When you start going along with everything just to make him happy, or never speaking up for yourself, it drains you of that attractive energy that made him attractive to you in the first place. Being agreeable does not equal attractiveness.

I’m not suggesting you become a bitch, diva or self-centered, I’m talking about healthy boundaries. In all relationships you still need to respect three important parts of your lives.

  1. Your time
  2. Your emotions
  3. Your needs

If you find that a guy doesn’t respond respectfully or is insensitive or ignores your boundaries then it’s time to speak up or move on.  

Remember…choosing your well-being and respect for yourself is far more important than any need to be in a relationship.  

The most irresistible women have no hesitations communicating their needs. They’re not worried about driving the wrong guys away because they know the right one will respect her boundaries. This doesn’t mean playing it super-serious all the time. It just means standing up for your own needs, and not settling for a situation with a man who falls short of your criteria, be it for commitment, affection, physical attraction, or kindness and generosity. 

This quote really hit home in a powerful way when I read it: 

“If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.” 

For a man, nothing is sexier than being on a date and realizing he’s with a woman who values herself by showing self-respect and confidence. Men want a woman with expectations, which they then desperately want to meet. 

Bottom line: If it’s a choice between being respected or being nice to the point of being a people-pleaser, choose being respected. It’s much more attractive. 

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Why is Dating so Hard?

What Biology, Baggage and Energy have to do with making dating hard.

The truth is dating today is hard, and the challenges of a global pandemic haven’t made it any easier to meet someone new. However, there is one thing I know for sure. Finding love is even more important now than it has ever been. As a result of what we have experienced this past year, many women (and men) have realized how much they miss the companionship and love that a relationship gives us.  

Perhaps this is true for you too! AND I want to help. I want to do everything I can to help  you make that happen for you! (I’m talking about love with the kind of man you admire, respect and trust who loves, cherishes and adores you.) Sounds nice, doesn’t it?

So many women I talk to want to know how to meet quality men or what to say or text, what does it mean if he does certain things, like backing away. While that can be a part of it, there’s much more that goes into finding and keeping a loving relationship that most don’t take into account.

Today I’d like to share 3 things with you that aren’t often talked about but have a huge impact on how you date and who you choose to date. (This is the part about following your heart and taking your head with you.)

They are biology, baggage and energy. 

Biology

Learning about how our hormones create chemicals that create attraction and how our reptilian brain wants you to be safe was a game changer for me. There isn’t any consideration for if you’re compatible or not, just to procreate and stay safe.  

This urge, or drive can be very powerful, and hard to manage for some.  In her book, Why We Love, Dr Helen Fisher writes, “romantic love is an urge, a want, a need—a primordial mating drive that can be, at times, more powerful than hunger.”

Her research showed that romantic love releases dopamine in the brain similar to people who use cocaine or opiates. Is it any wonder that when we’re ‘in love’, we show the same symptoms as an addict: tolerance, withdrawal, relapse.

Knowing this helped me to slow down the dating process, especially in the early stages, and see it more for what it was.. a physiological reaction, not love. I learned to manage these emotions and make better decisions. One of the biggest ones for me was oxytocin, the bonding hormone that’s released with kissing and even more with sex. Yes, that’s why it’s so hard to walk away from the guy that’s not right but the sex is great. Your thought process is being greatly influenced by oxytocin.  

And, our next one…

Baggage

A guy I knew once said to me that we all have baggage. He believed that you should be able to identify your own on a baggage carousel and fit it in an overhead compartment. I always thought that was a brilliant analogy for emotional baggage—from things that happened to us in childhood that contributed to picking the wrong guy, or the unavailable one, over and over that just added evidence that you weren’t good enough or all men are jerks.

If you have a pattern with the wrong guys, find someone that can help you to ‘identify and unpack’ your baggage. When you can own it, you can change it, and change your future. I’ve seen the truth of this many times in my coaching practice: when women see their patterns, they can learn to choose differently and create lasting love.

And, if you have baggage it may be affecting your energy. Which leads me to our next part…

Energy

What does your presence, your energy say?

Our energetic presence sends a message to men that they pick up on,  maybe not consciously, but they do sense it. 

 What message are you sending?

  1. Go ahead…take advantage of me, I have no boundaries.
  2. Danger!  I’m prickly.
  3. I’m shut down and closed up.
  4. I’m a better man than you are.
  5. I’m open and receptive.

So the next time you’re frustrated with the guy you’re seeing or if you’re not meeting the men you want to, consider the three areas above and take stock of yourself. It can make all the difference in the world when it comes to finding a fun and easy relationship.