November 22, 2019

Two Ways You’re Settling With Men (and don’t even realize it)

by Janet Tingwald in Dating

Being a dating coach, I often hear ladies declare they are DONE settling for the wrong guy and a bad relationship.  Actually, I’m glad to hear that.  But here’s where it goes awry.

You’ve gone over and over in your mind thinking about the bad experiences you have had with men, and the worse it was, the more it reinforces your “I’m not settling” mindset that you cement in your heart. Each memory becomes like a brick in a wall that builds around your heart to keep you from settling for the wrong guy.  The problem is, it makes it impossible for the right guy to see you.

The RESULT – you ONLY attract men who are NOT RIGHT FOR YOU — men you definitely SHOULDN’T settle for.

Make sense?

Eventually, you are entrenched in thinking,  “It’s SETTLE or be single.” That is the belief you have created in your mind..

You start to defend, blame, deny and deflect

As you get more and more focused on what you don’t want, you literally take on every single characteristic that repels the quality man you do want.  In the end, you attract more bad guys and ultimately give UP.

WHICH LEADS to the new way I see women settling..

Settling for being ALONE.

We keep telling ourselves:

  • I don’t need a relationship to be happy.  I’m okay being alone.
  • It’s God’s plan for me.
  • I’ve got my kids/grandkids and good friends.  My life is full.

We force ourselves to believe that accepting it will take the pain away.

Accepting LONELINESS and being single is NOT less painful. It’s a lie we tell ourselves. You will still have pain.

If you have been trying to attract love, dates, or a relationship and are getting nowhere, chances the answer to why is deep inside you. So, let’s have some fun today.

Find a quiet space where you can eliminate all the noise of your life. Grab a nice hot cup of tea or glass of wine, play some inspiring music. With your favorite notebook + pen, explore the following:

1. What are all the beliefs and stories I have learned, saw, and heard about a love growing up from my parents, friends, family, school, co-workers, and church?

2. What are the feelings that come up when I go out on a date? When I get close to a man?

3. What are the pros of being single that I believe which might be keeping me single?

4. Who has hurt me in the past that I haven’t forgiven? And why? Go deep here. Be as honest as possible.

5. Am I willing to let go of the hurt and pain from my past experiences of love + dating?

If you are ready to get these questions answered and truly get support to open yourself up to love that you deserve, let’s chat: Link to the scheduler